There Are No Ordinary People...

I have recently come across a quote that is life changing for me.
The more I read the thoughts of C.S. Lewis, the more I am anxious to meet him on the other side.

The following quote succinctly describes the proper respect we should have for ALL of God's children:

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - These are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals that we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” – C.S. Lewis

It truly is a "serious thing" when we imagine every person around us has such possibility for greatness or horror. Further, the thought that every moment of every day... every interaction... we have a responsibility to help each other to the desirable destination.

Additionally, as we ponder those relationships... friendships, loves, play, politics... they become more meaningful. There is purpose, responsibility, and expected outcome.

Then, the idea that "there are no ordinary people"... this rings true as a core principle. Taking that thought further to see every soul around us as immortal beings. "Of course this is true" we tell ourselves. We know this is true. But, do we think of this as we go about our daily activities interacting with each other? Usually not.

The phrase that stings is this... that we joke with immortal beings... we work with immortal beings... we marry immortal beings... we snub immortal beings... and we exploit immortal beings. This causes honest introspection. Our actions condemn us. Our thoughts and words do not live up to our responsibility.

The result of such self-assessment returns within my heart an increased desire to remember who it is I am talking to... who it is I am looking at... and who it is I am serving.

In truth, we know that when we are in the service of our fellow beings, we are only in the service of our God. This is because He places such high esteem on His children... so should we all. This re-alignment with truth is invigorating yet infuses the soul with peace.

Happiness is a Choice

Sometimes it's hard, but whenever I think of the amazing blessings of my Lord, then it doesn't matter how lonely or overwhelmed I feel... my heart fills with gladness and gratitude.

... and I feel happy...

I look at my sweetheart and think of the love we feel for each other...

... and I feel happy...

Whenever I see someone else whose struggles are more difficult than mine...
I feel compassion for them and gratitude that I don't have to endure their trials...

... and I feel happy...

I look at the mountains, flowers, sunsets, sunrises, clouds, changing leaves, wildlife, butterflies, birds, rabbits, kittens, puppies, or little children...

... and I feel happy...

Sometimes I see smiles on the backs of cars in front of me... It makes me giggle... it makes me smile...

... and I feel happy...

Whenever I hear a baby giggle, take its first steps, smile, or cuddle in my arms... I smile to myself...

... and I feel happy...

When I hear sweet voices shout, "Grandma Lynn!" and feel arms wrap around my knees... my heart swells with love...

... and I feel happy...

I choose to be happy....

Live, Laugh, Love, Learn, Leave a Legacy

I didn't grow up hoping to be abused, divorced, miserable, overweight, or lonely when I finally became an adult. "Happily Ever After..." was expected. It was expected! The path to get there seemed simple and assured. How little I understood.

When people I love are mean to me, I have a choice to make...
1.  I can hold a grudge that will fester and decay my soul.
2.  I can hold in all emotions and push them deep inside, only to have them emerge when there's to much to control the outcome.
3.  I can pretend nothing is happening like an ostrich with its head in the sand.
4.  I can let go and let God take care of it... forgive and let my heart fill with compassion and love instead of resentment. Light instead of bitter darkness.

When people I love continue to be mean to me, it hurts.
But, I still have the same choice to make.
It's not easy, but it is the only way to truly LIVE.
I become free from the chains of hell and can LAUGH at the adversary's pitiful attempts to control me.
I find exponentially increased ability to LOVE everyone, regardless of where they currently are in their own journey.
Each cycle teaches me valuable lessons. I LEARN about who I truly am and what I am capable of becoming. It's amazing!

Now I am attempting to LEAVE A LEGACY. Year at a Glance, Blogging, Facebook, and my personal history volumes.

It's been a long windy road... but I am learning how to be true to myself, my Lord, and my God. I am becoming a new creature in Christ. My heart is comforted and my soul is being healed. Over 50 years, with fewer years ahead of me than are behind me...

FULL STEAM AHEAD!

Just Like That...

A Memorial Day to Remember…  27 May 2013

Dave and I joined our son John’s family in visiting family grave sites for Dave’s dad, his mom and grandparents. We had a nice time thinking about his ancestors, looking at photos Dave brought, telling interesting facts about them, and appreciating the time we have together, and taking some pictures. We especially enjoyed a man in a Scottish kilt playing the bagpipes at the cemetery.  

On the way home, we were going to visit Home Depot to get the rest of the things we need for our planned garden… We were feeling the urgency to beat the season and get things in the ground as soon as possible to make sure we get the longest growing time. We also have the new challenge of sharing our yard with a herd of a dozen deer and about 60 quail. Our desires to be self-sufficient and produce food from the land is strong enough to prompt dramatic effort for this cause.

Before we could begin, however, we got a text from Shelley Noh, our niece. Dave’s sister, Toni, had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks after a particularly serious attack with the last stages of COPD lung disease, emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia. The word was that she had a very bad night and would most likely not make it through the day.

At this, we threw everything we thought we might need into the back of the van, drove around to find somewhere to exchange our winter tires for our regular tires, (Wal-Mart was the only place we could find that was open on the holiday). We were able to finally start the 13 hour drive at 2 in the afternoon. We began texting and calling Dave’s siblings, his step-mother Francine, and our children.

The reports were coming in that she would not make it for 4 more hours… We kept driving. Of all the siblings, Dave was the closest to her, and he was on his way!

We arrived there at 3:30am the next morning to find Tammy and Francine there waiting and watching. Shelley and the girls were in the other room trying to get some much-needed sleep. The last weeks were very long for all of them. Dave gave his sister a blessing of release. I fully expected her to go during the blessing. It was beautiful. I recorded it and will transcribe it once we get home. He stroked his sister’s hair and prayed for her to return to her Father in Heaven.

Then, Tammy curled up on the ataman. Not long after she was sound asleep, Francine asked me if I would stand watch for any change and curled up next to her. It was about 4:30am. Francine had promised Shelley that we would not let Toni go without her being there. Dave sat in a chair dozing in and out of consciousness, exhausted after the long drive. I vowed to stay awake.

I counted the seconds between each labored breath… 20 – 30 – or 40 seconds… then another gasp. So, I began again and again with each breath. If she began a pattern of 40 seconds each time, I would have awakened everyone, but the average was 30 seconds.

I could sense someone from the other side of the veil visiting her occasionally. Offering support and then leaving for a while again and again. She was heavily sedated with Morphine, so she was not in any more pain, but the dynamic gasping for air was difficult to witness.

This continued until about 7am. People began to wake up and she was the same. The nurse said sometimes people continue like this for days, so Tammy left to take a shower at the hotel, and Dave left to make a phone call. I smelled what I thought was urine and asked the orderly to change the absorbent pad under her. He said it was plasma… and that this was a common sign that the body is shutting down. The plasma makes its way past the cells as membranes are breaking down.

At this time, I sent out a text asking the kids to pray for Toni’s release.

Shelley joined Francine and me and we noticed that her breathing seemed more regular. It wasn’t labored, but it was very rumbly with liquid. We asked the nurse’s aide to suction it out, but before she arrived to do so, it bubbled out of her mouth like the foam of a root beer float. It was a shocking sight. Shelley turned to me and I held her as the nurse’s aide cleaned Toni’s mouth.

The nurse came in and forcefully said, “She’s dying RIGHT NOW! You take your mother’s hand and say your goodbyes! She’s dying RIGHT NOW!” I quickly texted Tammy and Dave to get back to the room ASAP. Shelley took her mother’s hand and we watched her take a very small gasp… then she was gone. The feeling I sensed was one of relief and release that filled the room instantly.

I had never witnessed the passing of a soul before. It was a singularly poignant honor for me; beautiful and sobering.

The following week was a blur of preparations, decisions, tears, cousin-time, photo shoots, family politics, hurt feelings, and efforts to help comfort those that stand in need of comfort.

Shelley scanned a bunch of photos she found; Tammy and Dorothy sent me pictures; and I put together a little slideshow. Amy and I downloaded some of Toni’s favorite music, then Amy created a CD of these songs to play in the background before and after the service. Amy and Shelley’s children made posters for a display. Tammy typed up the program and chose pictures for use in that handout. She and Dorothy came up with the idea of handing out bright flowers tied with a tie tyed ribbon for all the guests. We decided to buy tie dyed clothes to honor Toni’s love for the 60’s. We went to Costco to choose platters of food for a reception after the service, and also found some great flowers. Nici joined us in our errands of angels as we purchased needed supplies for the celebration of Toni’s life.

When we were in the funeral home, discussing the order and components of the service, Tammy introduced the idea of using Toni’s grandchildren as pall-bearers. I felt Toni’s presence behind my right shoulder expressing great pleasure at that idea. She loved it. Nici said felt Toni’s presence with Doug briefly as she was driving to the airport.

The day Toni passed was the day before what would have been their 41^st anniversary. When Doug died of a heart attack 2 ½ years ago, Toni never recovered. Her devastation was complete. She had stage 4 emphysema, but chose to start smoking again.

Dorothy said that her sister didn’t die of lung disease, she died of a broken heart. I think that’s about right.

Francine had to return home for a couple of surgeries of her own, but was able to postpone them in order to return with her son Joseph for the funeral. We asked Francine to read a life sketch. I was able to write it based upon the great stories I was hearing about Toni as we were looking at pictures and the items around her house where we were staying. She was able to add some beautiful personal notes about how Toni welcomed her into the family, and Toni’s giggly laugh. Toni welcomed me into the family almost 9 years ago as well. We especially became close when Doug died, and Dave, Dorothy and I were there helping her sort things out and make preparations. She was very kind to me.

We had Joseph sing a song… he chose “She’s Got a Way” by Lionel Richie. He changed the words of the last verse to fit Toni… It was emotional, moving, and beautiful.

Nici spoke a little bit about Toni as a young girl. She told the story we all wanted to hear… how did Toni get her name? Diana Lee was born with dark hair, dark eyes, and olive complexion. Her grandmother had chosen the name of Diana Lee, but her mother didn’t like that name. She said that her daughter looked like a little Italian Antonio… and “Toni” stuck from that day on.

Shelley spoke briefly about how much Toni loved Doug, and dedicated the song, “Goodbye” by Lionel Richie to their memory.

Dave was conducting, and as usual, he was able to bring a fun, yet sacred feeling to the service. Amy’s husband, Andy, offered a beautiful family prayer before the closing of the casket, and Tammy’s husband, Ken, offered the dedication of the crypt. (I recorded these prayers and will transcribe them as well.)

It was wonderful that so many people could come to pay their respects and offer condolences. It was a difficult time for everyone… we all feel a tremendous loss. At the same time, we feel great relief for her emotional and physical suffering that is now ended for our dear Toni. It was nice to see family members, to create memories and rebuild relationships. We spent much time at the beach. We rode on ferries. We walked to a nearby lighthouse. We chased seagulls. We built sand castles. We watched the sunset and the sailboat races. We renewed our spirits with each pulsing wave of the ocean. We dug our toes deep within the sands of the seashore. We played football and tag. We roasted marshmallows and made s’mores. We embraced each other, we laughed, and we cried.

So, we’re all heading back to our various homes in Virginia, California, Utah, Washington, Oregon, Texas, and Florida. Back to our daily lives that must go forward… even without Toni. It doesn’t seem fair when our lives have been forever changed.

Back to work, to our own projects, plans and problems. But we do so with a pensive heart… one that looks at our loved ones with a renewed sense of appreciation for the moments we share together in this life… and an increased sense of how quickly time flies… We need to be kind to each other and cherish this mortal time together.

 It was great that some of our children could make it for the funeral, and to support Dave.

 Tie Dyed was to celebrate how Toni was a child of the 60's. 

This is not the end… for there is no end… only new beginnings.

Asthma! So THAT explains it!

Okay, so hind sight is 20/20.
When I was in high school, I ran the 2 mile and hurdles. I knew I wasn't terribly fast, and I never was faster than 2nd place. My lungs would feel like they were burning, but I thought that was normal.

As a young mother, I tried to get into shape by running. My lungs would hurt so I learned that I could quick-walk 4 miles in 45 minutes, and felt like that was good enough.

As a singer, I battled the "winter cough" every year. It would start in the fall and last through winter. It was annoying, but I never really thought much of it.

I could feel a constant drainage down the back of my throat, and thought the phlegm that I was constantly coughing up was because of that... Well, that's partially right.

I went to an ear-nose-throat specialist once, and he said I had scar tissue on my vocal cords (no doubt from all of those years as a cheerleader yelling myself hoarse and being proud of it) and that I also had some nodes in my sinuses. He said that they could surgically remove them, but that they would probably just grow back.

Later, I went to another ear-nose-throat guy who said I didn't have any nodes, and that the urge to swallow was being caused by acid reflux, not true drainage.

So, then I wondered where all of the phlegm I constantly dig up was coming from. It's not that I like the taste!

Finally, one day I was having a coughing fit that was particularly difficult. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I've had many years of tightness in my chest, and difficulty breathing, but I thought it was just stress.

Dave suggested that I see our doctor. He said it was asthma.
The rumbling in my chest as I was breathing was not even funny! I had just gotten so used to it (this last cough had been going on for about 9 months) that I thought life was just going to be like this for me from now on.... Silly!

Dr. Fuller said that when the muscles in our lungs spasm and tighten, they create mucus. That's one part of it...

I went to an allergist who tested me to see if an allergy was the catalyst for these flair ups... The skin test showed that I'm only mildly allergic to an outdoor type of mold. They did a blood test to verify it because it is very unusual to be so allergy-free. The blood test (once the lady was finally able to get some blood out of me after a few tries!) confirmed the same results.

Okay, so if it wasn't allergies, what starts this every year?

We still don't know, but the inhaler I've been using has helped a lot! And I take some nose drops to help with the drainage. Long yucky subject, but the result is...

Now I know what has been going on for all of these years! Duh!

Joy and Sorrow

What is sometimes sorrow on one side of the veil is joy on the other. For example, death in mortality, is greeted with joy on the other side of the veil.
So, when we must endure sorrow and misery in this life... is there joy on the other side that we are experiencing that which we shouted for joy about in the pre-existance? Joy that we are learning and growing and thus becoming more like our Father? Or is there sorrow on the other side of the veil as our loved ones empathize with our suffering and stand helpless to relieve our pain? Sorrow in heaven?

I wonder...

I know that I have grown in my capacity to love far more because of family members who have been repeatedly cruel and unkind to me. I owe them a great debt of gratitude.

Now, if I can only keep my eyes from leaking whenever my tender heart is hurt.

Spring to it like Tigger!

I've always admired the cheerful spring of Tigger the Tiger from Winnie the Pooh. I think if we all put a little more spring into our steps, we would giggle hysterically too!

I am always rejuvenated when the early spring bulbs poke their heads up and color the world. Some of my other things are also wrapped up in the splendor of springtime: Easter, Mother's Day, and Father's Day... Oh, and my birthday as well.

I asked Dave what was on his "Bucket List," started to think about my own.
Jerusalem... definately!
Sing the Star Spangled Banner at some event
Write and publish a book
Sell a painting or photograph
Hike Angel's Landing at Zion's
Hike to the top of Timpanogos Mountain
Record and publish a vocal CD

I'd better get started... no one knows how much time they have left.

The Bible...

I have enjoyed the new series on the History Channel: The Bible. It is well done, and truly delightful! The settings are authentic, the casting and acting is magnifiscent, the special effects are dazzling, and a valiant effort to stay true to the text has been made.
The fact that it is a tremendous hit gives me hope that there are many good people in this country; people who hunger and thirst after righteousness.
While political anarchy rages, henous crimes increase, societal moral decay ferments, and economic ruin looms; a bright moment shines, offering the hope of possibility.

I have learned for myself by the Holy Spirit of God and do testify that Jesus is the Christ... He descended below all things that He might be able to reach all people... He lives!
In this truth I exercise my faith and my hope. In this truth I dedicate and consecrate my life.

Note: Make sure tissues are handy when watching this series... especially the final segment.

Not Again!

Laid off again!

This time the code words were, "We're consolidating our executive support."

I am looking for another job, again. I have faith that the Lord has something in mind and will help us. My son Michael, and my sister Melinda have moved in with us for a while... We all need jobs... Now I get to be at home to help her... perhaps it is a blessing in disguise.

I have a marketing degree that I can use, an updated resume, a PPT of my resume, personal business cards, and a smile. Of course I have to get over this terrible cold that knocked me off my socks first! :)
... to be continued.....